rated s because it sucked

So the motion picture board watches movies and then decides what to rate them. The thing is sometimes they give a certain reason for the rating. Most times, this would be normal. But there are occasions when it's bizarre. Alien vs. Predator got a PG-13 for slime and Twister got a PG-13 for "intense depiction of very bad weather" [scary!]. I still sometimes movies need to be given a rating to warn people that the movie is crap and you shouldn't see it. Like Glitter or Gigli or something. Those movies need special ratings just for the scariness of them.

celebrity sightings

So I can officially say I've made it in LA now that I've had a celebrity sighting of mine posted on Defamer's Privacy Watch. My friend Heidi took Aaron and I out in her neighborhood and we were apparently are very cool because celebrities followed us in! First, Jason Segel from How I Met Your Mother, then Mandy Moore, and then Vince Vaughn. Vince Vaughn! I'm that cool.

Last night, I went to the Arclight in Hollywood to see Hairspray [and sing along with the words at the bottom of the screen]. It turns out that they were hosting the premiere of The 11th Hour there last night, which is Leo DiCaprio's documentary about global warming. I didn't see Leo, but I did see Adrian Grenier from Entourage. Man, that guy is definitely hotter in person. Like really hot!

So yeah, I'm awesome...or a starfucker. One of the two. And by starfucker, I mean hanging around celebrities, not actually...you know. I have a husband for that.

mom pants

You know those unflattering pants that your mom wears? The ones with the pleats in the front and the zipper that goes all the way to her navel? Yeah, well, I think Kate Holmes Cruise is wearing those pants in this picture. And even worse, there are pleats in the back, too! Luckily, it seems dlisted agrees with me and also posted a few more of these pictures so you can see just how bad they are.

This reminded me of the Mom Jeans commercial that aired a few years ago on Saturday Night Live. You all know what Mom Jeans are and you all know that moms who forget all fashion sense wear them. They are not nice things to be wearing, people. Pleats, long zippers, and elastic waist bands should not be encouraged. In fact, I told my husband a few years ago that if I ever walked in wearing Mom Jeans, he had every right to tell me to take them off and burn them immediately. I just need to know that I have someone watching out for me in case this happens.

And by the way, who dresses their child in a Burberry dress? That thing probably cost $300 and you know it's going to get kid goop all over it.

poor ferrari

OK, did anyone else see the story this week about actor Eddie Griffin crashing a Ferrari? Did anyone else get a little choked up like I did? Yeah, I figured it was just me.

Anyway, some idiot that owns a $1.5 million Enzo Ferrari thought it would be a good idea to have an actor [not a race car driver] with no idea how to drive a high performance sports car drive his high performance sports car. And he crashed it.

To give you an idea of how bad this is, consider this: in order to be able to buy an Enzo Ferrari, you had to own at least three Ferraris already and then you had to be invited by the company to buy the car. And there are only 400 out there. Well, make that 395 as of now. They even made one for the Pope!

To better understand this, I give you this great quote from an AOL Sports story entitled "Eddie Griffin, You're an Idiot":

"You just wrecked a friggin' Enzo Ferrari. The car was probably worth more than your house, Eddie. There are probably other Ferrari owners and supercar nuts that are crying today because of you."

And yes, even I would love to drive an Enzo Ferrari, but even I would not actually do so if given the chance. It's not like driving a normal car and I sure as hell wouldn't want to be responsible for crashing someone else's $1.5 million Ferrari.

dear celebrity

Ack! I've been a bad blogger but I'm back!

Ok, so Entertainment Weekly ran a little thing about writing fan letters to celebrities and included in the list was Jordan Knight of the New Kids on the Block. I actually wrote a letter to the New Kids on the Block when I was a fan. I actually never sent it, though, because I was too nervous to put it in the mail because I loved them so much. Yeah, pathetic, I know. I don't remember much of the letter, but I do know I wrote two drafts before I copied it down in my best handwriting. I also know I told them I loved seeing them in concert and while The Beatles could play instruments, they couldn't dance as awesome and the New Kids!

I'm so glad I never sent that letter.

On that note, if anyone knows anyone that can get me a job at Entertainment Weekly, I would love you forever. I mean, I could write stuff like this and be awesome!

beam me up, gmail

When I was in fifth grade, I wanted to be an astronomer. The only problem was the whole science, math, and working at night stuff.

But man, if I worked with stuff in space, I could have sent email to space. That would have been cool. For example, you know the crazy lady over at NASA that's part of this whole weird love triangle thing? Well, apparently, part of the case against her is being based on naughty emails sent from one astronaut on the ground to her boyfriend who was in space. Hmm...they have the Internet is space? Wow. And I thought I was addicted to the World Wide Web.

By the way, Nowak, the crazy astronaut lady in question, was fired by NASA today. Today? Yeah, because it makes me happy to know a diaper-wearing crazy lady was allowed to be an astronaut despite the fact that NASA knew she was a little loopy. Whatever.

fashion sense run amok

So Pete Wentz, the bassist for Fall Out Boy, is working on a line of clothing. Well, of course he is. Who isn't? But that's beside the point. The point is that this stuff is horrid. Here's the description from Women's Wear Daily via ONTD:

"Executives at DKNY Jeans also took notice of Wentz's creative ability and signed him on to a partnership in which he works with the DKNY Jeans design team to create Clandestine Industries for DKNY Jeans. The line, which includes graphic T-shirts, dresses, jeans, sweats, skirts and jackets, is fully inspired by Wentz. The colors are all mostly dark, such as the black leather jackets and dark-indigo denim jeans, but there is a bright pink pop of color found throughout on jacket linings and some T-shirts. There's a graphic print T-shirt of his pet bulldog, Hemingway, who tours with the band regularly, and other prints inspired by Wentz's own extensive tattoos."

Yeah, because I want to buy stuff that's all about Pete and looks like stuff Pete would wear and Pete, Pete, Pete. Did Pete design a line of clothing or a line of clothing for himself?

Seriously, ignore all that is wrong with the models in this picture. Would any of you even wear shoes like the ones below? Blech. Just because some rock star designed them doesn't mean people should wear them in public.

i ain't sayin's she's a gold digger

But I wouldn't blame her if she was, especially when the person is question can spend $3,900 for dinner.

That's right! Kanye West is going to have almost $4,000 spent on food for a meeting Wednesday night in New York that is being flown over from England. Apparently, there is no good food in Manhattan so he has to have a random restaurant in another country cater the meeting. What. The. Hell.

By this time next year, it will be all over some VH1 show about the lifestyles of celebrities and how much they spend on stuff.

i still love paris

Ah, gay Pari! Anyone else ever been there? The Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the bread. Oh, the bread!

Oh wait, wrong Paris. Anyway, it was announced this week by the Associated Press that they conducted an experiment in which they didn't cover any story about Paris Hilton. And you know what? No one cared about not getting their Paris news. In fact, most AP subscribers didn't even realize what was going on until the AP announced their temporary black out.

The AP finally ran a story this week about Paris getting her car impounded and potentially going to jail. Frankly, the thing that most disturbed me about that story was that Paris's car -- a $170,000 Bentley Continental GTC that had to spend time in the impound lot with some vastly inferior cars. That poor Bentley!

the force is with her

Apparently, I missed some big Oscar news. George Lucas had a date. Yes, unbelievable! I know! But true.

The lovely lady is Mellody Hobson and based on her bio, I don't think those Star Wars geeks can hold a candle to her. She's the founder of an investment management firm in Chicago with assets of $21 billion. She's on the board for the Chicago Public Library and the Field Museum as well as corporations such as Starbucks, Estee Lauder, and Dreamworks [hmm...so Spielberg is now a matchmaker perhaps?]. In 2004, she was named one of the 50 Women to Watch by The Wall Street Journal.

So yeah, she's smart, she's hot, and I don't think she will be asking George any geektastic questions about Star Wars anytime soon.

pretty birthday

Ok, so it's late, but I have to get this in before the day is over. Apparently, it's Elizabeth Taylor's birthday today. She's gone a little nutty in the last few years and she's friends with Michael Jackson, but in her prime, she was smokin' hot!

the oscars aren't dead

They're merely departed. Ok, who else was so freaking excited that The Departed won best picture? I was so geeking out when they announced that. Yeah yeah yeah!!!!!

Other highlights:

-- Martin Scorsese winning best director. Not only was it cool, but you knew it was going to happen as soon as Coppola, Spielberg, and Lucas came out to present the Oscar. It was so awesome! You could tell he really is loved by the movie people and it's not some showy kiss ass thing.

-- Alan Arkin winning best supporting actor. If you haven't seen Little Miss Sunshine, get your ass out there and find a way to watch it. Such a great movie and Alan did a great job.

-- Helen Mirren is hot. I mean, hot. I hope I look that good when I'm her age.

-- Loved the musical number about not getting nominated as a comedic actor. Will Farrell, Jack Black, and John C. O'Reilly were all great in that!

-- Speaking of singing numbers, who else loved the Dreamgirls performance? I'm sure one of those songs would have won an Oscar, but with three in the same category, they split the vote. That being said, Melissa Ethridge's song was great.

-- I saw Al Gore on The Daily Show when I went to a taping of the show years ago. He was hilarious and I remember Jon Stewart asked him "Why weren't you this funny during the campaign?" He brought the funny again last night and I loved his little thing when he was about to announce something and then the orchestra played him off.

-- Ellen's fangirl schtick where she gave Martin Scorsese a script and had her picture taken with Clint Eastwood.

Disappointments:

-- I was really pulling for Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Wahlberg to win. Mark's performance was awesome in the movie. As for Leo, that guy deserves an Oscar win sooner or later. He may be a cute guy that all the 14-year-old girls love, but don't let that fool you. He really is an amazing talent.

-- My Tivo cut the show short because I only programmed it to add an hour. What the hell was up with that? Long show.

So go see The Departed, Little Miss Sunshine, and The Queen. You're welcome.

what's the buzz

Who has turned into the new Sinead O'Connor? Britney Spears!

I think those are her bodyguards, but I'm not sure. Frankly, I think the bodyguards aren't doing their job. They need to work harder at protecting Britney...from herself. I mean, really? You think someone shaves their own head and that's healthy? Anyway...

So in the past week, Britney was in Florida, then went to some harsh rehab in Antigua, then flew back to L.A. to be with her kids [at least they weren't with her during all this], then shaved her head, got some crappy tattoos, and went out with a wig that looks like it cost $5.

This girl has to be on a path to self-destruction because I don't know where she's going otherwise.

growing pains make you fat

Remember Jeremy Miller? He was Ben on Growing Pains. He's also the "celebrity endorser" in this new crappy McDonald's ads about The Dollar Menuaires or something who buy stuff from the dollar menu at McDonad's because they're that rich. Ok, I'm currently unemployed and even I'm not desperate enough to buy stuff from the McDonald's dollar menu. Maybe a Burger King chicken sandwich every once in awhile, but I frankly don't remember the last time I was at McDonald's.

Ah, Growing Pains. Remember when Matthew Perry died on that show? And Leonardo DiCaprio was on that show for a season or something! Now, he's an Oscar nominee. Again.

Oh, and for those of you who are business school students lurking around, here's the six-month stock chart for MCD. I don't give a rat's ass if that stock gained $10 in the past six months -- I'm still not buying it.

paris is tacky

At least that is what you could assume based on the horrendous invitations that Eva Longoria and Tony Parker sent out for their wedding. I'm assuming Tony didn't get a say in these invites because wow. Any man with even a little bit of taste would have put their foot down after their fiancee said something like "What do you think about a red and gold invitation with a huge Eiffel Tower on it for our wedding in Paris? Yeah!!!!" My husband would have looked at me like I had three heads if I showed up with this thing and presented it to him as our wedding invitation. Hell, my husband picked out our invitations and they were classy and gorgeous. He has more taste than a rich actress.

Anyway, if you click the link above to see the photos on X17, you will easily assume this wedding is going to be tackytacular.

rip or something

Poor Gerald Ford. When he died, he got his picture on CNN.com, but it looked much less glamorous than Anna Nicole Smith. Interesting that they all made fun of the trashy stripper turned billionaire with big fake boobies and now they're acting like she's this amazing talent who died too young. Whatever.

I think the biggest question now is will they add her to the Remeberance montage at the Oscars? After all, according to imdb.com [and yes, CNN used imdb as a source on the air], she was in The Hudsucker Proxy and Naked Gun 33 1/3. Also, she starred in several episodes of Entertainment Tonight and E! News Daily as herself and did a bunch of Playboy something or others.

By the way, don't even try to waste your time getting on to Oh No They Didn't -- I think the excess traffic shut the page down. Oh, and check out fark.com for their take on it. There's more than 1000 comments in the thread on her already. And finally, if you do need a laugh, there's always Slutty Smurfette from SNL.

the more money, the less clothes

What is up with all the trust fund prima donnas taking their clothes off? You would think if they have money, they can afford to keep them on. Apparently not. And yes, you will notice this post has neither links nor photos. Do the work yourself.

Ok, so first we had the whole vagina display from the rich starlets in Hollywood, namely Britney Spears.

Then last week, we got parisexposed.com, a site selling Paris's stuff from a storage locker that she forgot to pay for. Here's the deal: If you smoke pot, do cocaine off of some fat guy's gut, have a friend who likes to wear nothing by tube socks -- on his feet, and take bubble baths, DON'T get photographic evidence of it! I don't need videos, pictures, or any of that crap. Just the idea makes me sick.

And on top of that, it now looks like another debutante is going to get her 15 minutes of fame with a sex tape. Most people didn't know who Paris Hilton was until her sex tape showed up. Now, you will all be hearing about Kim Kardashian, daughter of OJ Simpson lawyer Robert Kardashian, because of a sex tape scandal in which she may or may not have planted a sex tape for sale to get more attention. Just remember her name. Trust me.

Seriously, people, won't you think of the rich bitches the next time you put a sweater on. Please, send them some clothes!

burn in hell, fox news

Ok, so everyone knows that Fox News shames anyone in the journalism field. It's like a plague or something.

But this time, Fox News went too far! As TMZ.com reported, Fox News took out a two-page ad in Television Week calling Anderson Cooper the "Paris Hilton of television news." Ok yeah, Anderson is dreamy, but what makes him even better is that he's a smart reporter and is great at his job. So why all the animosity? From TMZ:

"The spat erupted last week when Cooper took a shot at FOX News for hyping Insight magazine's incorrect story that Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama had attended a radical Islamic school as a child in Indonesia. 'Others are reporting the heat. We are sticking to the facts,' Cooper said at the time."

There you go, kids. Anderson Cooper calling it like it is. Regardless of your opinion of CNN or Anderson, you have to admit the guy has a point.

And don't even get me started on how Fox is trying to hurt Obama more than a year before the election by acting like it's a big deal that he went to a Muslim school when he was a kid in Indonesia. Um...Fox News? It would take you five seconds to look at Wikipedia and find out the country is 86% Muslim so yeah, not really weird that he went to an Islamic school.

when you wish upon a "star"

So USA Today ran an article about Disney's new ad campaign for its Year of a Million Dreams. The photos were taken by Annie Lebovitz and include such notable celebrities as Scarlett Johannsen dressed as Cinderella and Beyonce as Alice in Wonderland.
But for my money, the best picture is this one of David Beckham as Prince Phillip in Sleeping Beauty. [click photo for larger image] Yes, Becks is a little too flashy for my tastes and yes, I'm going to get sick of hearing about him over and over when I'm living in L.A., home of his new team the Los Angeles Galaxy. That being said, if I was in a magic-induced coma, I would want to have someone as handsome as David Beckham save me. Plus, Sleeping Beauty is my favorite Disney movie of all time so I'm partial.

luxury rehab

Ok, if you didn't expect Lindsay Lohan to go into rehab sooner or later, something is wrong with you. So yeah, the starlet headed to the only place for starlets to go -- a fancy schmancy rehab facility for celebrities in California. The best part was the description from Us Weekly of her entourage as it made its way to the facility.

"She arrived at the facility in a blacked out SUV followed by a caravan of two other cars. Looking somber, the actress carried a dark Balenciaga bag and a Jamba Juice, she wore black tights, a green flannel shirt, a leather jacket, and a black baseball cap that said 'Lola.'"

You know you have problems when you show up at rehab with a caravan of three SUVs, your Balenciaga bag, and a hat with your name on it so you can remember who you are.

On that note, I just realized I don't know what other labels to put on this post except "Lindsay Lohan." Should I add music? Movies? What the hell is her talent besides being a celebrity?